Crocodile Has a Crunchy Snack Before its Main Meal

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bull’s-eyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bull’s-eyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight.” That’s fantastic", the man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?" The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target and inspecting it closely. "Yes, sir!” he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!" "I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me another one of those little crunchy meat pies!"

You Gotta love the copy/paste function

"a man in a state of excessive inebriation", u mean a "drunk"? that joke was way too long

two chavs are walking down the side of a river in africa when they see a crocodile eating one of the locals. All that remains is the guys head sticking out of the crocs mouth.
One chav says to the other "wow, that fucker must be loaded, he has a lacoste sleeping bag"

turtle soup?

turtle soup? That's all you've got?

It's so easy, to Mock Turtle Soup.

No, hold the turtle make it pea.

Violent diarrhea is the best thing about eating at Taco Bell. It's the best way to levitate a couple of inches of the toilet, you should try it.

ye.................i wounder how the croc is gonna shit out the shell

Very carefully.

in deed...........!!!!

When I saw a truck load of tortoises crash into a train load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster"

That's a video from my neck of the woods, in northern Australia.

You poor bastard

You'll love the creamy melt-in-your-mouth center covered by a crunchy outer shell. Turtle, the breakfast of champions!
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@Scott, Just reading "Taco Bell" made me have to shit.

That's what the turtle gets for flashing an alligator skin wallet around. Talk about begging for it.....

Your puns are off the scales.

Do you want fries with that?

the crunching sounds kind of fake, like a shotgun if you think about it.

Probably best not to think about it then.

At the 0:23 mark, I think it regurgitated one of Steve Irwins testicles.

Musta had a bad nights sleep...he was a little snappy
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*grabs coat*

Looking forward to the video titled "Crocodile regrets eating turtle as the shell rips his asshole to shreds"

ok now what

Time to start liking crocs.

A crocodile would eat a dishwasher and fart out suds.

That's a croc of shit.

But it'll smell so fresh.

brilliant

:59 1:01 listen to that lol and tell me that that doesnt sound like a shotgun

That little motherfucker just got swallowed whole!DAMN NATURE U SCARY

Umm where do you live again simonp_au ?
Doh!!!! lol stupid Australians

Sir, I wrote the the following to another person of your fine caliber. I think it also applies to yourself.
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I have just this moment deciphered the meanings behind your neolithic communications skills and realized you are upset. Yet you are most likely so repressed, to the degree, that your cognitive abilities to discern that which you are feeling and subsequently communicate such affects in an effective and respectful manner is beyond your primitive abilities.
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This is an OPEN Forum, which means, everyone can express their opinion & comments. Have you heard of this concept? Judging from your failed attempt to insult me with your feeble, aggressive, juvenile expressions of discontent toward my comment, you have no such intellectual awareness.
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People of your common stock, son, lack the capacity to express such discontent, as you have, without the automatic conditioned response of aggression.
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Maybe this can give you some insight into your problems......
http://en.wikipedia.org/w iki/Penis_envy
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And so he keeps proving my point

i was just wondering if you used enough adjectives???i dont think you did

Yes I need them to drive home the point.....the point doesn't seem to be sinking in.

lol hemp hemp hemp

Touche

i clicked on http://en.wikipedia.org/w iki/Penis_envy........... ......is that bad

Hey. Fool. Don't you hear it?

even crocs enjoy a little beaver once in a while.

Help Mr. Wizard! Where's that tiger when you need him. Soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside.

Nothing like a little turtle on the half shell to jump start your morning

It'll be exactly the same when it becomes a women's handback later....it just has heaps of shit crammed into it.
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I guess that is really how the hare won the race....

wow. so i could meet smart and fun people like britney spears and successful winners like charlie sheen???!!! where do i sign??!

Spam never sounded more genuine.

Two words.....FUCK OFF you spamming piece of shit!!!! icon_evil.gif
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Would be great if a member on here knew how to take sites down and decided to fuck yours up icon_wink.gif